Thursday 16 February 2012

The sad truth about Whitney Houston's death

Whitney Houston's tragic early death came as a shock. When celebrities die unexpectedly it does jolt you a little, you feel as though you sort of know them just because they're there or there abouts in your life, in the papers, on TV or playing on your car stereo.

For this reason you feel a natural urge to find out what happened, how and why.

Luckily the Daily Mail doesn't let us down and seeks out the facts of a hideous situation, carefully weeding out the lies, disinformation and conspiracies to leave us with the truth distilled and pure so we can start mourning and remembering.

In Whitney's case the horrible truth is what we all feared; it was the drink that got her...


Although this may have been provoked by her secret gay life...


Or if not the pain of not being able to choose the right woman, maybe it was choosing the wrong men...



Whichever it was she knew that things weren't right because she was regularly visiting her doctor...


Or more likely she knew things weren't right because she'd had a premonition and wanted to see Jesus - presumably the son of God, and not the Mexican fella who owns a taco stall near her house...


This really is getting into the realms of the crazy. There's no way Miss Houston predicted her own death, why would she? That's what rising football star Aaron Ramsey is for...


So there you have all the facts you need to know about the tragic demise of a talented singer. Reporting that makes editor Paul Dacre proud informs us that the singer died due to drink and drink & drugs because she was a secret lesbian who was haunted by the toxic men in her life and so knew time was running short due to her doctors visits and religious visions and Premier league goal stats. I feel I can start mourning now the truth is known.

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